Top Tips for committing the Perfect Crime

Does crime pay?

Well that really depends on 2 things. What you get out of it and whether you get caught. Be honest, we’ve all thought about it from time to time. If only we could commit a crime and get away with it. I’m not talking about the violent stuff here, I can’t condone that in any way, but what about the ‘frauds’ and the ‘scams’, surely they aren’t as bad. After all, your not hurting anyone, are you? I’ll leave that for you to work out but if crime is for you, you need to know how to go about it.

 

The best reason to commit a crime – PROFIT

Why profit? Well, for starters, because you need motivation to commit a crime, a reason to break the law . There’s no point in committing a crime if your going to get nothing out of it. People commit crimes because they want money and once you realize that money is the best possible motivation, you need a victim. 

The Victim

A victim is anybody who suffers because of the crime you commit. The victim is the owner of whatever it is that you took. Now, the crucial thing is to pick your victim carefully. The victim doesn’t even need to be one person, it can be a group of people, a company or even a whole country (I’ll come to that later). The best victims are the ones that you don’t know, so don’t steal off friends and family.

The Crime

Once you have a victim you need to do some actual planning and decide what kind of perfect crime you want to commit. Think carefully because the type of crime you commit will have a bearing on the punishment you may or may not receive if you get caught. 

Accomplices’

If there’s anyone else in on the crime, keep them close to you at all times and make sure that they have got as much to lose as you.

What if you get caught?

Deny it and keep denying it until the evidence is so overwhelming that there is only one way out. Run? No, don’t be silly….Sing like a Canary… and let someone else take the fall.

Is there such thing as a perfect crime? One where you can steal from your victim yet even if you get caught there is no punishment, at worst you just offer to pay the money back to your victim. Let me think…I know…

                                                   BECOME AN MP AND CLAIM EXPENSES!!!!!

12 Yr Old Pupil Knifes Teacher

A boy of 12 knifed his teacher in the arm in front of his terrified classmates.

The pupil stormed out of the science lesson after a row, then stabbed the 28yr old teacher when she confronted him. Thank god, the teacher only suffered minor cuts to her elbow, and is now recovering at home, but the story could have been a different one. The boy, who is unnamed has been expelled and has been charged with GBH with intent and having an offensive weapon. But what will his punishment ultimately be? A stint in a young offenders institute, at our expense, whilst we try and rehabilitate him and get him to see the error of his ways. Bullshit!

What the hell was a 12yr old doing with a knife in the first place? I’ve no idea what background he comes from but I am sick of the same old excuses, ‘we can’t control our children, there is nothing we can do.’ The lad is 12 for christ sake, how hard is it to control a 12 yr old child. And we need to stop treating these vermin like children. The day they decide to walk out the front door with a knife (and I’m damn sure it isn’t to butter their toast at school) then they have stopped acting like children, so they should be punished like adults. They know what they are doing. 

A few years ago you would have read a story like this in pure disbelief, nowadays incidents such as this one barely get a second glance. This is the society we now live in, one of political correctness and tolerance, where there is no fear of punishment and no respect. But it has to change.

At the risk of sounding old, it wasn’t like this when I was a kid. I feared authority and I respected my elders. And now as a father of 3 young children, aged between 15 and 5, they are growing up the same way. Quite frankly, I don’t give a damn about the do gooders who try and tell us how we should bring up our kids, or a government who tells us we can’t discipline them if they step out of line, I am going to do it my way because they are my children, I am responsible for them and I have self respect!